Thursday, December 20, 2012

The First Five Years Of Childhood Exert A Decisive Influence On Our Life

It has long since become common knowledge that the experience of the first five years of childhood exert a decisive influence on our life, one which later events oppose in vain. Much could be said about how these early  experiences resist all efforts of more mature years to modify them, but this would not be relevant. It may not be so well known, however,

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


People often experience conflicts between different values in certain situations.
“I want to be kind, but I also want to be honest.”
“ I want to be honest, but I also want to have friends.”

A simple change that can have a profound impact — replace the word “but” with “and.”
“I want to be kind, and I want to be honest.”
“I want to be honest, and I also want to have friends.”
“But” separates experiences  and tends to erase or discard whatever precedes the “but.”
“And” joins experiences and acknowledges both.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

December 2012 GIF

December2012 GIF

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Nonviolent Communication

NVC begins by assuming that we are all compassionate by nature and that violent strategies—whether verbal or physical—are learned behaviors taught and supported by the prevailing culture. NVC also assumes that we all share the same, basic human needs, and that each of our actions are a strategy to meet one or more of these needs.

Nonviolent Communication (abbreviated NVC, also called Compassionate Communication or Collaborative Communication) is a communication process developed by Marshall Rosenberg beginning in the 1960s. NVC often functions as a conflict resolution process. It focuses on three aspects of communication: self-empathy (defined as a deep and compassionate awareness of one's own inner experience), empathy (defined as listening to another with deep compassion), and honest self-expression (defined as expressing oneself authentically in a way that is likely to inspire compassion in others).

Four components

  • Observation: the facts (what we are seeing, hearing, or touching) as distinct from our evaluation of meaning and significance. NVC discourages static generalizations. It is said that "When we combine observation with evaluation others are apt to hear criticism and resist what we are saying." Instead, a focus on observations specific to time and context is recommended.
  • Feelings: emotions or sensations, free of thought and story. These are to be distinguished from thoughts (e.g., "I feel I didn't get a fair deal") and from words colloquially used as feelings but which convey what we think we are (e.g., "inadequate"), how we think others are evaluating us (e.g., "unimportant"), or what we think others are doing to us (e.g., "misunderstood", "ignored"). Feelings are said to reflect whether we are experiencing our needs as met or unmet. Identifying feelings is said to allow us to more easily connect with one another, and "Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by expressing our feelings can help resolve conflicts."
  • Needs: universal human needs, as distinct from particular strategies for meeting needs. It is posited that "Everything we do is in service of our needs."
  • Request: request for a specific action, free of demand. Requests are distinguished from demands in that one is open to hearing a response of "no" without this triggering an attempt to force the matter. If one makes a request and receives a "no" it is recommended not that one give up, but that one empathize with what is preventing the other person from saying "yes," before deciding how to continue the conversation. It is recommended that requests use clear, positive, concrete action language.

“What others do may be a stimulus of our feelings, but not the cause.” - Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.,

Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose — to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“ with people. We express our feelings in terms of what another person has “done to us.” We struggle to understand what we want or need in the moment, and how to effectively ask for what we want without using unhealthy demands, threats or coercion.

There are a lot of subtleties to using NVC effectively, but the process involves breaking down your experience into four steps—Observation, Feeling, Need, and Request. For example I might express myself by saying the following:
Observation: “Your personal things are lying all over the floor.”
Feeling: “This makes me feel unsettled.”
Need: “I have a need for a clean and tidy living space.”
Request: “So my request is that you pick up your things before I get home.”
That the feeling itself, the felt sensation in the body — whether experienced as a sinking feeling in the gut, anxious butterflies, a stab through the heart, or a headache — is something that will always fall under the general category of feeling “bad” or at least “not ideal.” It doesn’t matter if you express exactly how you’re feeling. The other person doesn’t really care whether it’s a sinking gut sensation or a headache. The important point is, You feel bad! That’s all you need to get across.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Where I am.

The man was right up against it—a wire fence with jagged barbs densely interwoven. No chance of getting through those barbs. The path ahead looked attractive. But the barbed-wire fence… Even if he could somehow get through the first one, he could see there was another beyond it. And another, and another. Yet he had to try. Maybe if he could find someone who could give him a wire cutter.

If he could just “cut through” it as he put it—then he knew he could have a really nice future. It turned out that the barbed wire fence went completely across the path in front of him from left to right—but then it stopped. Beyond the edge of the fence was just flat ground. The same thing on the left. The entire fence was only about 6 feet in length.

By really recognizing “where I am” in this way it becomes possible to discover the options. I may be trying to move forward, but it might work out better if I consider moving around. Perhaps I do need to get something off my chest. Perhaps if I move closer—or farther—other things will change.
Blips from: How Our Metaphors Reveal Creative Solutions

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Problems are caused by beliefs AND senses

When you’ve eliminated all the beliefs you can think of that could explain a given problem and when the beliefs that have been eliminated somehow still feel true, the problem is probably being caused by a conditioned “sense.”
A sense is not a cognitive statement like a belief; it exists as a feeling. If you try to communicate to someone what that sense feels like, you might use colors (like dark), physical sensations (like heavy), metaphors (like I’m being stopped by a wall), short phrases (like can’t move forward), etc. You can have a sense of many things, but the most common three senses are of yourself, of people, and of life.
Your sense of yourself feels like who you really are; it feels like you were born this way; this feeling is you.
A sense of people feels like who people really are; people are inherently this way; they always were and always will be this way.
A sense of life feels like the way life really is; life is always this way, no matter what.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


Sit in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor.
Find a spot above eye level upon which to rest your eyes.
Soft focus and take in the whole room. Try to keep your eyes open for a while anyway. At some point your eyes will naturally close. Just let it happen when it does.
Complete the sentence with observations in each of the three prime modalities, Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic (tactile sensations. e.g.: air temperature, textures, etc.)
Note: While it's optimal to observe different things, in the audio realm it is OK to repeat items if necessary - like if you are in a very quiet room and all you hear is one or two things. Remember that silence can be heard too.
1. "I am now aware that I see _________." (Repeat 4 times, 4 different
                                                                       visual observations)
2. "I am now aware that I hear _________." (Repeat with 4 different
                                                                       auditory observations)
3. "I am now aware that I feel _________." (Repeat with 4 different
                                                                       kinesthetic observations)
1. "I am now aware that I see _________." (Repeat 3x, visual)
2. "I am now aware that I hear _________."(Repeat 3x, auditory)
3. "I am now aware that I feel _________." (Repeat 3x, kinesthetic)
1. "I am now aware that I see _________." (2x's)
2. "I am now aware that I hear _________." (2x's)
3. "I am now aware that I feel _________." (2x's)
1. "I am now aware that I see _________." (1x)
2. "I am now aware that I hear _________." (1x)
3. "I am now aware that I feel _________." (1x)

Repeat as needed until trance is satisfactory. And, even if you don't make it through the set once, when your eyes close take yourself (in your mind's eye) to a body of water. Enjoy some R & R there until you're ready to return.

To utilize this trance you can add your own suggestions once in the trance, or you can ask your unconscious mind before you begin, that while you are in trance it can go through and retrieve all useful and constructive references and resources pertinent to your issue at hand and have them available to you when you come out of trance. Then just trust that that will happen and enjoy your time by the water.
Self Hypnosis: "The Betty Erickson Special"
Transcript of Doug O'Brien demonstrating the method of Self-Hypnosis called "The Betty Erickson Special" and utilizing it to facilitate learning integration. From a class in 2002.
Listen to this live recording: Doug O'Brien demonstrating the method of Self-Hypnosis called "The Betty Erickson Special" and utilizing it to facilitate learning integration. From a class in 2002. (15 minutes)
MP3 - Self Hypnosis: "The Betty Erickson Special"

Patients become patients because they're out of rapport with their own unconscious mind. - Milton Erickson
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